I'm high right now. I don't think I've ever blogged high or drunk. Hahahahaha. Let's see how I pull this off. So far, capitalization and punctuation looks good. So does spelling. Hahahahaaha.

So last night I began my job hunt of non-profit community health organizations who focus to serve the Asian Pacific Islander community. Doesn't that sound super-specific? But you'll be surprised, there were dozens out there, and many were hiring. Oh, by the way, the reason I'm looking for something that specific is because my major was Biological Sciences (which means I'm pre-medical pretty much) and my minor was Asian American studies (which means I care about the people!). Hahhaha. So, in my 2 years off before medical school, I wanted to work somewhere that was health-related and API related. It will show that I'm familiar with healthcare and compassionate for the people. Anyway, so while I was searching API community health orgs, I learned that there are SO many in Hawaii! I had no idea. I never realized I could actually find the specific job I'm looking for in Hawaii! So, running into all these job opportunities in Hawaii, the possibility of moving to Hawaii suddenly appeared to be real. Actually likely to happen.

When he was here, I asked him, "Magically, if I got into UH medical school, would we be together?" And he said, "Yeah."

So, Hawaiian guy, magically, if I were able to find a job in Hawaii...

But this isn't magic, bitch! This could actually happen.

What do you say to that now?

Ok, I'm going a little cuckoo here. So that night, after finding all these job opportunities, I dreamed the oddest dream. I dreamed that he called me, and said something to the effect of, "I was thinking about it, and it's about time you moved to Hawaii. You should start moving your things. Yeah, start moving your things." And I responded, "Okay, thank you. I don't think so. Ok bye." I remember feeling like I didn't want him to ask me. Like I didn't want to move there because I wasn't ready. I remember feeling like this is what I've been wanting, but I've wanted the wrong things.

I don't know him very well. But I'm hoping to get to know him in that week in Hawaii. 1 week together will teach me a lot about how it's like to be with him. Because as of right now, I only have a few hours here and there spread over 9 months. The last time he came and we spent 20 hours straight together was the longest we've ever gone. And to be honest, with you and myself, while some of it was great (like dancing in his arms, the holding hands, the kisses), I actually wasn't very pleased with that weekend. He seems to get annoyed with me easily and often. I mean, I know I'm upbeat, but come on. He seems to get annoyed with me in a way that would make me want to apologize. When I was with Emerson, if he ever got annoyed with me, I would make him feel bad for getting annoyed with me! I like wearing the pants, and with Hawaiian guy, the power dynamic is all fucked up.

So I'm waiting for Hawaii to see if he's worth moving for. Because according to my dream, he sure as hell isn't worth it right now.