Jenny is sad to be back on the mainland...but happier in general.

That was my status for the past few days and it describes me so well. I miss Hawaii terribly, after 9 days, I so wasn't ready to leave. When I arrived back in Cali, I felt no joy whatsoever to be back home. I thought about how crappy Cali is compared to Hawaii, and I still think so. But my life continues and my Hawaii trip was nothing but good for me.

I was so, so sad before my trip. Hawaii guy hurt me so much and it really dampened my excitement for my trip. But when I arrived, Randy greeted me with a beautiful wonderful-smelling plumeria lei, and I literally jumped and squealed for joy. It was gloomy and rainy the day I arrived, but I didn't care, I was just ecstatic to be there; there's something about Hawaii.

Of course I thought about him anyway. Whenever I saw fishermen, I took a closer look.

Anyway, the point is, throughout my whole trip, I felt like Stella getting her groove back (minus ending up with Taye Diggs). I loved Hawaii so much. I felt stress-free; my only job was to have fun and tan. So I didn't need Hawaii guy to have a good time in Hawaii, in fact, I had an amazing time without him. I'm actually very glad I didn't see him for almost all my trip. I honestly think my trip would not have been as wonderful as it was if he were a significant part of it.

I saw him at the very, very end of my trip. And it was the perfect end to my perfect vacation, but not in the way you might think. I decided to see the asshole in hopes of finding closure. And closure I found. When he dropped me off, he said, "I'll see you soon, okay?" And I said nothing. Seeing him reinforced what I knew all along: I really don't like him very much. For whatever reason, I have allowed him to make me miserable, but after seeing him, I am very confident that I will get over him.

So I'm much happier after my trip to Hawaii. I'm happier about the Hawaii guy situation obviously. And I'm also happier with myself. Happier that I found the strength within me to get over him. And happier that despite hurting inside, I was able to truly enjoy and fall in love with beautiful Hawai'i.