I can feel the white hair growing.

Tuition is due in a month, and I don't know where or how I'm getting the money.


I finally mustered up the courage to do the right thing for the one I love. And now I spontaneously cry when I hear Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry." When I think of how he said "I tried...I tried to keep you," I break down in tears. It's bittersweetness I feel. I miss him so much. I wonder what he's up to, how he's doing. I miss his arms, that nook in his armpit that my head was made for. I miss how he imitates Stitch. I miss how good he is with Jasmine. I miss his belly, and the birthmark on his toe. I miss how good he was to me, and how good he was for me. He would do anything for me. I smile at him adoringly in a way I'll never smile at anyone. I miss how he wipes my tears and say "pixie dust" and pretends to sprinkle dust on my face.



But I finally let go of my security blanket. And for the first time in five years, I don't have all that I'll miss. I have the memories. And they're going to help me through this trying time. They're going to remind me why I did this and why I have to do this. And though it hurts to hurt someone you love, I, Jenny, am now a stronger person.