In life, there are things you can choose to do and things you can't. In my life right now,

I choose to:

1. NOT call him, text him, IM him, comment on his myspace, or send him a myspace message. Even though I'm so tempted to.

2. Check his myspace page to see if he's posted any new pictures or blogs. And just to see what's up with his life in general (because he sure as hell doesn't update me directly). It's really unhealthy and pretty pathetic. I feel like a stalker.

I can't choose that I:

1. Have feelings for him.

2. Think about him.

3. Want him to change.

I feel what I feel, I think what I think, I want what I want.

I don't like the girl I've become because of him. I emphasize girl and not person, because I'm still the same person. But as a girl, he has made me obsessive and insecure. I feel unwanted.

FUCK! I'm a sexy beast! He would be fucking lucky to have me! Or would he? FUCK! Look at how he's making me doubt my sexiness!

I'm going to try to stop checking his myspace. It only depresses me more. His status today said "_____ is missing her ALOT!!!" Mood: lonely Yeah, he misspelled "a lot." I'd like to think that it's me he's missing and it's me he's lonely for (I think what I think). And I so badly want to call him and ask. But then I realized, if he misses me, HE SHOULD FUCKING TELL ME HIMSELF! And if it's not me he's missing, then I'm so not emotionally prepared to handle that.