Okay, everyone. I'll fill you in and not try to be mysterious/anonymous/stupid.

There's a guy in Hawaii. I've known him for over four years. Ann met him off asianavenue.com (which is now asianave.com, like subtracting 3 letters will bring back AzN PrIdE), and one day when I was over at her house, I used her AIM screenname and we started talking. So yes, I met him off the internet, whatever. Fast-forward 3.5 years, I finally met him in person last October. It was the day after Shocktoberfest, I still had front bangs (which I have mixed feelings about), and I was at the peak of my weight loss. We had a pretty good time together, and a crush developed on my part at least.

Then 8 months go by and it's been an emotionally turbulent 8 months in terms of my feelings for him. We'd go months without communicating, then we'd have 2-3 hour phone conversations. I'm starting to understand him better, his inconsistency, his periods of absence, but it doesn't make sense to me. He doesn't make any sense. He says the sweetest things to me, and I just eat his words up. But then...he'll go MIA for weeks. I tell myself it's a Hawaiian thing, like they're just laid back like that (stereotyping is no good). I partially believe it, but the other side of myself is saying, "Stop it."

Really, Jenny? There are so many reasons to stop, to just say, "Fuck it. Fuck him." Then I listen to his song (he's a DJ), or he'll randomly call or text me. Man, I sound pretty pathetic, to go ga-ga over a call or text.

He lives in fucking Hawaii. What the fuck am I thinking?

I'm thinking his birthday's coming up and I'm eager to mail him his present. And he's supposed to come in August, and I'm going to Hawaii in September, and he'll probably be back in October. That's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking it'll be amazing when I see him.

Gosh, I want August to come already. One more month. Breathe, don't be pathetic, it's not attractive.