I am so sleepy right now that I can hardly keep my eyes open. So I'm actually typing this joural with my eyes closed. I know this appears very odd, "some possessed shit right there." says David. Excuse my typos.

I skipped blogging last night also because I was exhausted. I could not skip 2 nights in a row. I'm sually very compilant with Lent and this year has been my worst performance so far. I mean worst adherence so far. Anyway, skipping blogging 2 nights in a row is pushing it. I actually enjoy freewriting with my eyes closed. It's kinda fun.

On the TEACH service, we get a high percentage of patients with  substance abuse problems. A lot of alcoholics who have drank so much their memory is shot and their speech is slurred and their reality is questionable. I see where my dad is headed. We have a 46 year old man who looks like he's in his sixties and thought it was 1999 and that he was 33, weirdly the math adds up. He doesn''t know he's at UCDMC even though we tell him everyday. We cna't find his family. I can't see any other future for mdad than this one if he continues drinking. Of course we'll always be around for him, we won't be unreachable like this guy's family but his brain is turning into mush.

I teared up in front of paitnets a couple times today. First, was Ms. C who is a twenty six year old prostitute who has two sons in Louisiana that she doesn't talk to regularly. She freely shared with us that she was not in a good mood today and it's because she felt like she failed them. That made me tear up. Second was this tough looking guy who is here for anosebleed and turns out he's in Stage Five kidney disease. On top of that he's lost three homes in the economy in th atpast year and his faincee died seven months before they were supposed to get married. He also said he felt like such a failure. I teared up at the fiancee part.

Dr. Garcia has been a wonderful doctor to them. I'm so honored to see him in action. He says the exactly right things to them and they always feel better after talking to him. I hope to have that much impact over people someday. I know I'll touch people, but I don't think I'll ever match Dr. Garcia's grace.