I'M SINGLE!!! Tell the world!! *sigh* I miss being single. Well this is only temporary. Me and Emerson drive each other CRAZY!! So we both need a little breather. Last night when we made things official, he said "I'll always love you, you'll make a lovely wife." You can't tell me commitment scares all guys away. What really makes me smile is that he used the word "lovely". How many guys use that word? Well, if anyone knows a guy...hint, hint.

Day by day, Andre's on my mind less and less. What does that mean? Does it mean I care less? No. Does it mean I'm forgetting? *sigh*, maybe. Does it mean I'm FINALLY beginning to grasp the fact he's gone? Yes. I used to think about him every hour. Now...twice or thrice a day. Writing this entry will be my closure. When I go to Orleans, I still expect him to be there. After it happened, but before I found out...I remember I was watching Finding Nemo that day. I looked around the arcade...just to say "hi" and maybe get a game of DDR. I didn't ask about you. I should have asked about you. I'm sorry Andre. Give me a sign that though we weren't close...I still meant something to you.

I've done the right thing but for the wrong reason. By doing the right thing, I righted the wrong thing. Does that make it right? Techinically. Can't I do the right thing without it being for the wrong reason? I'm selfish. So selfish.

Have you ever done the wrong thing even though you knew it was wrong? I know what's right and what's wrong. It's not that I WANT to do the wrong thing...it's just so hard to do the right thing. My conscience tells me "no". I am defying my conscience to do this wrong thing. I am defying my conscience. It hurts to admit it. And you know what the really sad part is? I don't even feel as remorseful as I should. This is the person I've diminished to. *sigh* For what?

First day of work wasn't too bad. My feet hurt though...=T. Like, have you ever been to an amusement park and just walk the whole day and your ankles would hurt so bad by the time you get to the car? Yeah that's how I feel. I like my job though...so far. I'm a party hostess. Remember when your parents would throw you parties at Chuck E. Cheese or something? Yeah that's me. Just one party, and I got $20 tip. That's pretty good. I hope all parents are nice like that, makes my job a lot easer.

I start work today. First job, wow! Damn, I'm growing up. I'm so nervous, I don't want to mess up too bad. But I know I'm going to mess up. Wish me luck everyone. Or at least everyone who reads this. =P. Thanks!!

There's these 2 backpacks. One, I've had for a long time, it's trusty. I know it'll never break. It's been so useful to me...and I love it a lot. I've used it for so long, it'll be hard to not use it anymore. The other one, is new. I can't guarantee it will never break. I can't guarantee it will be as useful and trusty. I can't guarantee that I will love this new backpack. But it looks so nice. I just want to try something new. You should try everything once. Who knows? Maybe this back pack will be as good as the old one. But I can't guarantee it. Should I take the risk of trying this new backpack or should I just be safe and stay with the old backpack? Help me please!!!

Things I ask for every night when I pray:
1) Make sure Andre's happy, because he deserves to be happy.
2) Find my oldest sister, Helen, a husband because she shouldn't be lonely.
3) Make sure my mom keeps her job, I just want financial security.
4) Convince my dad to get a job.
5) Help get me a job.
6) Take care of everyone I care about. I can't handle losing someone else.

Took my first pictures at TIMELESS IMAGE today. Good stuff, good stuff...much recommended. If anyone actually reads this...YOU GET ONE. Learned this cool new card game...I think it's called RATTLE SNAKE. If you want, I'll teach you. I'm not really good. Slow reflexes...BIG disadvantage. But yeah...it's amusing when they make fun of me. "10 seconds later...*slap*". You have to know the game to know what I'm talking about. REGRETS. They're a bitch. Huge burden to carry on your shoulders. Wish I didn't have any. I can wish a lot of things. A LOT. If only they could come true...

Dear Andre,
Life isn't fair. That's what they always say, but that phrase shouldn't pertain to you. Someone like you, someone so special, someone who always makes others happy...you deserve more than fair. You deserve what you give others. I didn't know you that well. To me, you were the hecka cool korean french guy that worked at Orleans, gave me hook-ups on DDR, who always smiled with those cute teeth, who let me choose the music to play in the arcade, who loved some Japanese star named Takako, who drove an Acura with a tyte stereo system, who disliked country music that made you feel like you're in the south. and who watched Disney Channel. Remember Stephanie? She was the girl I introduced you to from Cali. You took us to Wal-Mart cuz you needed ink for your printer. Then you took us to Tea Planet to meet up with your girlfriend Mallory. You asked for Staphanie's screen name but you didn't ask for mine. I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it, but I was too self-conscious to ask for yours. That's one of the reasons we weren't closer. I wish I hadn't been so insecure and just asked for your screen name. Then I wouldn't have so many regrets. I regret not being closer to you. I KNOW you would have been a great friend. Our meetings were few and far between, but you have never been anything but nice. Giving compliments such as these are common in these situations. But Andre, honestly, you are such a great person. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart. It's hard to actually grasp the fact you're gone. We never spoke much, but I never thought we would never speak again. Before, I really questioned heaven's existence. Now I pray to Buddha every night, I pray very hard, that heaven does exist because if it does, I know you're there. And no one deserves to be in heaven more than you. I really miss you, Andre. I hope you're happy. I'll always miss you.