Man, I haven't updated this blog for awhile, whoever is reading this. I haven't had the complete motivation to update even though so much has happened. Maybe I was too exhausted. Well, let's just say I had some herbal inspiration tonight. And if you're a cop reading this, I hope I'm being vague enough so that a judge will believe that I mean tea.

I'm pretty right smack in the middle of my boards studying period. My big, big test is 3 weeks from yesterday. Big, big sigh. I'm just being a head case right now because I don't think it's the test itself that I'm freaked out about, I think it's just how everyone talks about the test in such a freaked out tone. When I recognize I'm freaking out a little bit, it's when I'm comparing myself to my classmates. Partially comparing what they might score and I might score, but also comparing our attitudes about this big, big test.

On a day to day basis during this study period, I have let myself be somewhat lazy most days. I am supposed to be waking up around 8:30 with books open by 9:00. Most days haven't been like that. I am supposed to be studying 1-2 hours after dinner...I study during commercial breaks. Even tonight when there wasn't anything I wanted to watch because Modern Family was a rerun, I let myself talk to one of my best friends Randy for over an hour. Now I love him and it's always worth it to catch up with your friends, but there were many silences in the conversation that should have prompted me to study. But I am pretty studious during the day, and I'm seriously learning this material. But maybe not seriously enough? I've heard of classmates with 12-hour study days. And I bet the real big gunners probably review material before bed. Big, big sigh.

Okay, I'm just going to spin this on it's head. For the ones who are studying 12 hours a day, they are human. That is seriously too mentally demanding and they will more than likely burn out. Oooh, maybe I'm being vindictive. Ughh. Maybe I just need a conversation with myself.

Okay Jenny. Do you feel like you know the material well enough? No. Do you think you will master the material by the time of the test with the same amount of motivation you've been having? Possibly not.

Possibly not. Okay, how important is it to you do your absolute best on this big, big test with all the motivation you have within you? Important.

Alright, Jenny Phung. You are going to have your books open by 9am and you are going to review before bed.

It always helps when I write it down.