I haven't had a confrontation with a friend in a very long time. And I just had one with one of my best friends. The argument was through AIM and my heart was pounding the whole time while keeping my cool. I didn't blow up, all my statements and responses were calm, even though this is AIM. I hoped that she would feel my calm, and understand I didn't want to fight with her.

I fight with my sister all the time knowing we'll get over it eventually. But it's different with friends. It's not as easy to act like nothing happened. The issue has to be addressed. And my friend just addressed it. She said we're like sisters, we bicker, and we get over it. I've had trouble in the past thinking of my friends as sisters. But after my friend's comment...it feels right now.

I don't have many friends. I just have a few best friends. And they're so great, so special. They're people I feel privileged to know, nonetheless have as my best friend.

My first medical school interview

So I've been to SF a few times, and you know how you take the 5 to the 152? Well, this time I was going to Sacramento, and all you have to do is just take the 5...all...the...way. So when we past the 152, I said to David, "Whoa, I've never been past the 152 before." And that's when I realized that I was getting closer and closer to Sacramento...closer and closer to my first medical school interview. Boy, was I nervous. My heart was pounding so hard that I could hear it in my ears and feel it in my head. And this was just while driving on the 5. To calm my nerves I thought about that VIP I mentioned a few posts ago. He told me to believe in myself. Words that we hear all the time, but they have so much more meaning coming from him. And I also thought about my mom, and how I need to become a doctor for her. Then Jason Mraz's "Make It Mine" came on to remind me that everything I want is mine to take.

Listen to your voice
The one that tells you
To taste past the tip of your tongue
Leap in; the net will appear

I'm gonna make it mine
Yes I'll make it all mine

My heart didn't pound so loudly again. Luckily both my interviewers were really nice, which put me at ease. My faculty interviewer is a pediatrician. I thought, "Score, we both relate to working with children and their patients." And I think it helped. He was able to draw a conclusion about me that I want to influence policy as a physician. Then he warned me that my priorities might change as time passes, as in my patients will become my priority. That is why there are so few politically active physicians. At the end of the interview he added, "I just want to let you know that conservatives do care." I'm afraid that implies he is a conservative, but he found my opinions interesting nonetheless.

The student interview was a breeze. He was a progressive Latino, and I told him I'm all about social consciousness and diversity.

UC Davis seems like a great medical school. The whole school is all about supporting each other and social responsibility. And the school itself is next to the medical center, unlike UCI. If I don't feel the same sense of camaraderie and pride at the UCI interview, then I'll seriously weigh the convenience of UCI to the greatness of UC Davis. I haven't been invited for an interview at UCI yet...but I likely will. It would be so convenient if I get to stay in Irvine with David, but we'll see.

O Canada

Last week I went to visit family in Winnipeg, the capital of Manitoba, a province in the great country of Canada. It has been 11 years since I last visited Winnipeg, and 3 years since I last saw that side of my family. There were a lot of new cousins I had never met before. There were at least 50 family members, who are all relatively close. I love having such a huge family. I couldn't find the words or the reason to express why I love it. I said, "it's like you never run out." And my sister laughed at me. But I almost mean it literally. In this recession, hearing about all these people being laid off and losing their homes, family is the only thing keeping you from being homeless, because unemployment benefits only last 6 months. It's not like I'm anywhere close to being in such a situation. But if you have a small family, and they're all unemployed...then what?

So we went to Canada for my maternal grandmother's 71st birthday (I know, it's a random age). She was so happy the whole weekend...literally hundreds of people gathered for her. I was only there for 4 days, and didn't get much chance to talk to her. But on the night before I left, she pulled me aside, and we had a deep 10-minute conversation. She did most of the talking, as if she wanted to teach me 21 years worth of wisdom to make up for the fact we only see each other a few times a decade. She reminded me of several things that I have chosen to forgotten. She told me how important family is, and to never let arguing keep us apart. I hear a lot about white people and how they don't speak to their family members anymore because of some falling out. I think that's what she was referring to...how she isn't estranged from anyone in her family. She told me how she helps out her family wherever she can, even relatives from her late husband's side in Vietnam.

Then she addressed the anger issue. Somehow, though she barely ever sees me, she knows how angry I get with one of my sisters. She told me that when I feel the anger rising inside me to hold it in, shut my mouth...and then the anger will subside. She said that if I speak out of anger, I will regret what I say, and I won't be able to take those words back. She was reasonable at the same time; she wasn't telling me to be a doormat. She said if my sister is truly wrong, I should address it at a later time when my anger has subsided. Common sense...but I needed to be reminded.

Lastly, she talked to me about how I treat my other sister. "You can give her money, and she'll be happy for a little bit, but if you yell at her, the pain will last forever." The giving her money part might be referring to the fact that I plan on taking care of her when I'm older. I talk down to her out of annoyance...but her cognition level is what it is, and I need to be more patient about it.

I cried when I left for the airport. That side of my family is so fun, I miss them terribly. I definitely want to visit more frequently. Fin.