"Every time we say goodbye, I wish we had one more kiss."

David said that to me this morning before I left for work. Until he told me, I didn't even know those were lyrics from the Jason Mraz/Colbie Cailat song "Lucky." And we are so lucky. On his end, he never had a real girlfriend/relationship before he met me at the age of 23. On my end, I've never been in a relationship with someone who has become my best friend and from whom I don't have to hide anything. In a very major way, he has changed me for the better. I wasn't sure I could be monogamous before. I always wanted to get married, but I wasn't sure I wouldn't cheat. Though cheating is a choice, it is a choice I felt I was bound to make based on how I thought of myself and other men. But David's changed that. I don't want the attention of other men anymore. David is a great catch, and since he's my boyfriend, that makes me a great catch. The moment I met him, I told him, "you're cute; you are so cute." And now he's my boyfriend living with me? We are so lucky.

I'm really upset right now. And I don't know what else to do but blog. I almost want to cry. One of my best friends says I'm not taking Lent that seriously. And it makes me want to scream. You either cheat or you don't, and I have not fucking cheated. The fucking end. How the fuck am I not taking Lent seriously?

I feel I have changed drastically since Lent started. I jogged a mile without walking for the first time in my life...2 days in a row! I plan to make it 3 days in a row tonight. I'm absolutely positive that my willpower and determination when jogging that mile has to do with my strength in sticking to vegetarianism.

To be fair, this is what my best friend was referring to: my cousin's birthday party was last Saturday and I was starving. ALL the warm food had meat in it except corn on the cob. Pork fried rice, chicken chow mein, shrimp pasta. So I picked out all the meat and gave it to David. For my lent, I didn't want to eat food with meat in it (even chicken broth), but it wasn't a steadfast rule. It was more of a personal choice when I go grocery shopping or order at a restaurant. I know a real vegetarian would have just eaten the corn on the cob. But I'm not claiming to be a vegetarian, I fully admit that I will eat meat again. My best friend might also be referring to the "veggie omelette" I ordered at Norm's that somehow ended up with bacon and sausage in it. That was so not my fault and not even worth mentioning here.

Okay, I've calmed down now. To be even more fair, I don't think I've talked to this friend about how Lent has changed me and how serious I am about it. Now I will.

I did not think that giving up meat would be this easy. It's only day 4, but I'm doing just fine. I'm impressed with my will-power and self-control. I smelled freshly-cooked bacon this morning, and I had no urge to grab a piece.

It's only day 4, but I already feel like Lent is one of the best things I've ever done for myself. I haven't really figured out if I believe in God, so I don't feel closer to God, but I feel closer to myself...if that makes sense. I kinda feel like I can do anything I want to do, like I'm deserving of my achievements - past and future. I feel like I'm becoming the person I want to be.

I already like myself in a lot of ways. But there are a lot of things I don't like about me, and I'm not talking about external characteristics or things I can't control. The things I don't like about me are qualities I can control. I wish I were more assertive. I wish I didn't cry so easily. I wish I were more diligent in my study and work. I wish I wasn't so envious. I think if I did Lent a couple years ago, I would have had a much better GPA and MCAT score.

But life happens as it happens, and now I just need to focus all my positive energy on getting accepted into military medical school. I will be a great asset to their student body, and I would be proud to be a physician treating soldiers and their families.

Today is the first day of Lent. I'm not Catholic, I'm not even Christian. But I do have a desire to test myself only temporarily. So the 40 days of Lent is already set up for me, and all I have to do is follow it. I've been talking about it for a month or so now, and I love that I've inspired my friends to participate with me. Lilian is giving up eating out for lunch when at work. Tiffany is giving up chips. And David is giving up soda.

Oh yeah, and I'm giving up meat. Meat as in beef, pork, poultry, and seafood. But I'll still eat eggs and dairy products. Usually for Lent, you're supposed to give up something that you do a lot of and find pleasure in. While I do eat meat everyday and find pleasure in it, there are much worse things I could (should?) have given up. Well, I have one thing in mind, and if you know me, you know what it is (or you can ask). So I'm not challenging myself as much as I could, but this will be a challenge nonetheless.

I chose meat mainly for environmental reasons. I don't know all the facts, but I know the production of meat and seafood adversely affects our world. Another small reason is the Buddhist inside of me, isn't that ironic considering this is a Catholic holiday?

I'm not even through day one yet, but I'm confident I won't have an infraction. I've told too many people to embarrass myself by failing!

Last Saturday, my mentee and I hung out with one of my friends. My friend pointed out how my mentee continuously referenced me, like seeking my approval or just my reaction. She really looks up to me.

Her name is Jenny also. David and I call her Little Jenny. And like me, she's smart and the youngest in her family. I see a lot of me in her when I was her age. Like wanting to show how smart I am and priding myself on being right. Oh wait, that's me today. Haha. She's talked about how people in her family have used poor grammar and made-up words like "funner." I didn't know "funner" wasn't a word until high school! I'm not the only one who sees our similarities, David sees it too. He said he especially saw me in her after this conversation:

Little Jenny and I were talking about a cross street in Santa Ana that we both know.

Little Jenny: Is there a Del Taco there?

Me: yes

Little Jenny: Is there a liquor store there?

Me: yes

Little Jenny: Then I'm right.

Am I that self-righteous?! Haha, I tend to be. But in my and little Jenny's defense, it's because we ARE right. Haha. I think it's great that she has as much confidence as she does considering the circumstances.