This morning, I admitted something out loud to myself, and that's when I really felt it.

I'm scared.

Previously, I've quickly brushed off any thoughts about possibly not getting into USUHS (Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences aka military medical school). I replaced those thoughts with thoughts of my life in DC, me and David's move across America, and just finally being a medical student. I also replaced those negative thoughts with exercise, preparing myself to pass the physical training tests I'll have to undergo as a military medical student (run 2 miles, push-ups, and sit-ups).

And I think all the positive thinking worked. I received the letter last Friday (2/26), it was dated 2/19. It said that I've been "recommended for acceptance," BUT "there are no spots available at this time." So I'm on the wait list. I actually should have known this was coming because I put the Navy as my first choice and they told us Navy was already full the day I interviewed. I regret not having chosen a different branch and I regret not going to my original interview in November. Oh fucking well, I need to stop dwelling.

So now I wait and pray. I haven't been accepted by any of the schools I interviewed with, and that is why I'm scared. I haven't been rejected either at least. But I'm really scared. I don't want to wait another year to start my medical career. I've already been out of school 2 years, I'm done waiting. Whispering out loud to myself this morning "I'm scared" almost made me cry. But I'm fine now. Now it's just back to waiting and trying not to stress.