I <3 raves. Techno music is really good when it's pulsating through your body. I've been to 2 raves before (Together as One 2005 and The Love Festival 2008), but by far, Monster Massive was the best. I think it was because the first time I went to a rave I didn't appreciate techno music and its effects on the body when rolling. And I didn't roll at my second rave. So at Monster Massive, I rolled AND felt the music...it was positively orgasmic.

Gosh, I sound like I'm promoting drug-use. My little cousins have access to this blog. But in all honesty, everything is fine in moderation. I am not going to roll every week, I am not smoking weed everyday. Drugs are bad if they interfere with your life. But if you have the time to have fun, then I wouldn't say "absolutely don't do drugs." Just be smart and be safe and be real. I like rolling and raving, but I realistically only want to go to raves a couple times a year.

All that is besides the point. I want to describe my raving experience and why I love raves. So yes, most people there are on drugs. But you know what drugs do to people? They make them nice and friendly and fun. As hippie as it sounds, raves are about love. The acronym PLUR even stands for Peace, Love, Unity, Respect. And ravers personify PLUR. I know that the love and friendliness aren't completely authentic considering they're the result of drug use...but in the rave setting, it works and it feels good.

While I'm not telling you to do drugs, I do encourage you to go to a rave if you've never been. It's a trip. It's so surreal. It's like you're stepping into a whole new world...like a wonderland. A world where everyone is happy and their only job is to dance and socialize. It's easy to pin ravers as silly with their rave clothing and candy bracelets, but they're worth taking the time to understand. Then again, everyone is worth taking the time to understand.

I have this tendency to put all my eggs into one basket, well most my eggs. There is one guy in my life right now that is worth investing in, or putting my eggs into his basket you might say. Let's call him Jack. A few days ago, I told my friend I'm putting a lot of eggs into this Jack basket because I have no other baskets to put my eggs into. Then I realized that's untrue, because I could put my eggs into my basket. Jack is really quite the catch, but putting all my eggs into his basket would just leave me even more hurt if he didn't feel the same way. So if I just put a couple of eggs into his basket, and keep the rest for myself, family, and friends...then disappointment won't be so bad.

When someone asks me what I like to do, or what my hobbies are...I really don't have any good answers. I would say reading, but everyone reads. I would say swimming, and that's something I truly do enjoy and am proud of, but it's basically exercise, not really a passion or an interest. I would say hiking, but I've only hiked like 5 times in my life and though I really enjoy it, I don't enjoy it enough to drive somewhere far regularly.

So in terms of putting my own eggs into my own damn basket, I've decided to join a hula school! I'm still trying to choose one, there are surprisingly so many in and around Orange County. But I'm so eager to get started. I love hula a lot, and my stomach was noticeably flatter when I was in Hawaii Club's luau in April. And now I'll have an interesting response when someone asks me what I do for fun.

Jenny is sad to be back on the mainland...but happier in general.

That was my status for the past few days and it describes me so well. I miss Hawaii terribly, after 9 days, I so wasn't ready to leave. When I arrived back in Cali, I felt no joy whatsoever to be back home. I thought about how crappy Cali is compared to Hawaii, and I still think so. But my life continues and my Hawaii trip was nothing but good for me.

I was so, so sad before my trip. Hawaii guy hurt me so much and it really dampened my excitement for my trip. But when I arrived, Randy greeted me with a beautiful wonderful-smelling plumeria lei, and I literally jumped and squealed for joy. It was gloomy and rainy the day I arrived, but I didn't care, I was just ecstatic to be there; there's something about Hawaii.

Of course I thought about him anyway. Whenever I saw fishermen, I took a closer look.

Anyway, the point is, throughout my whole trip, I felt like Stella getting her groove back (minus ending up with Taye Diggs). I loved Hawaii so much. I felt stress-free; my only job was to have fun and tan. So I didn't need Hawaii guy to have a good time in Hawaii, in fact, I had an amazing time without him. I'm actually very glad I didn't see him for almost all my trip. I honestly think my trip would not have been as wonderful as it was if he were a significant part of it.

I saw him at the very, very end of my trip. And it was the perfect end to my perfect vacation, but not in the way you might think. I decided to see the asshole in hopes of finding closure. And closure I found. When he dropped me off, he said, "I'll see you soon, okay?" And I said nothing. Seeing him reinforced what I knew all along: I really don't like him very much. For whatever reason, I have allowed him to make me miserable, but after seeing him, I am very confident that I will get over him.

So I'm much happier after my trip to Hawaii. I'm happier about the Hawaii guy situation obviously. And I'm also happier with myself. Happier that I found the strength within me to get over him. And happier that despite hurting inside, I was able to truly enjoy and fall in love with beautiful Hawai'i.