I'm not an expert on racism so I find myself struggling to articulate the significance of racism, and sometimes even the existence of it. So I won't try to here. I'm just going to write about how I feel about my classmates' resistance to the required reading Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? by Dr. Beverly Tatum.

She defines racism as a systemic advantage based on race. So through her definition, all White people are racist because they benefit from this systemic advantage. Though I agree that White people in America are born into privilege because of their race, I don't agree that makes them racist.

Even though I disagree with her definition of racism, I still embraced the book and all its wisdom and insight. My White classmates, however, closed their minds after reading that definition. They felt they were being attacked. Rightly so, I wouldn't want to be called racist just because I'm White. But we all have racism in us, why deny it?

It's not all my White classmates that "don't get it" (a general phrase I use for social consciousness). But the ones who don't get it...I immediately feel a disconnect with them. They're offended that they're classmates of color barely remember any White friends from their undergrad. We weren't avoiding White people, but White people were irrelevant to the development of our racial identity. We sought out people of color to figure ourselves out, not to exclude White people. Undergrad was a big, big place and you could only get close to so many people. So the people I got close to were people of color. That was a specific phase in my life.

Now I'm in medical school, and in a class of 93 students, I'm going to remember a lot more people. It's a different phase in my life where I feel comfortable forming meaningful relationships with anyone in my class. Well, not so much after the reactions to this book.

One argument of a White classmate is that life is hard for everyone. Do you see any scholarships for Caucasians? Do you see any clubs for Caucasians? Again, I'm not an expert so it was difficult for me to counter his argument in words. But I felt the error in his argument, even though I couldn't articulate it. Now that I've let it stew in my mind, I would argue that even though life is hard for everyone, and each individual faces unique challenges, racism is pervasive and harmful to groups of people. So the scholarships and clubs are to help the groups of people who have historically been treated unfairly.

I completely respect every medical student's struggle to get into medical school. And I even admit that it is very possible/likely that the road to medical school for some of my White classmates was more difficult than my own. But racism, to me, is not about the individual. Of course, individuals suffer or gain from racism. But racism is about society, and how society views race. Our society is racist. We judge books by their cover, just not as verbally as we used to. But those judgments we make in our mind are influenced by everything we grew up with. We weren't born to prejudge, but we were sure taught to.

I feel a bit weak-minded for not liking those White classmates who so adamantly opposed the book. They are nice people. But they are nice people who aren't aware of their privilege of being White. I acknowledge that they worked hard to get here. They didn't get here simply because they were born White. However, I want them to acknowledge that people of color have extra obstacles to overcome simply because of their race. Since they don't acknowledge that, it's hard for me to connect with them. They are from a different world than me.

I can't remember the last time I spent a birthday without friends. I think it might have been my 18th birthday. Anyway, I spent my 23rd birthday without my friends. Just David. But the time I spent with David was so wonderful, I didn't notice the lack of friends. It's not that I don't miss them, nor is it that I would rather spend the day with only David. It's just that, since moving here, I've gotten used to not having my friends around. So spending my birthday without them was like any day in the past 3.5 months. I used to see Lilian and Tiffany every day, and I had to quickly adjust to a life without them in medical school. It was difficult at first. I did feel lonely at school with a class of 93 students, but no one to really call my friend. Like all good things, it took time. I have now found a handful of people I really click with and can share things with. I actually like that it's only a handful, because I'm a firm believer in quality over quantity when it comes to friendships. I can definitely call them my friends, but they're not my best friends.

Best friends are people you can text random things to for no reason. Best friends know your past and understand where you come from. Best friends stay your best friends no matter where life takes either of you. Just friends don't meet any of that criteria. Not in my life anyway.

I actually didn't even mean to delve into this right now! I meant to blog about my birthday with David. I had an epiphany this past week. It really was a lightbulb moment. Where I suddenly confirmed, "Yes, I want to marry him." He was resting his head on my abdomen and talking to our unborn children. He said, "Hi, it's daddy."

Provided that David and I stay the people we are, I predict that our marriage would be a happy one. One with communication, respect, appreciation, fun, support, and love of course. I've had this prediction for a long time now, but was always a tad hesitant to confirm with myself that I want to marry him. There were several reasons for hesitation, some of which I don't even know. But the idea of a legal commitment intimidated me at the age of 22. And isn't it funny that soon after turning 23, I'm not intimidated anymore?

So even without my friends, my birthday was so wonderful because I spent it with him. He treats me well everyday. But he made it a point to make me feel extra-happy and extra-special on my day.

Disclaimer: I am not engaged. I want to marry him in my heart, but we cannot afford a ring yet.

I just realized blogger doesn't let me post pictures!!!!!! What kind of blasphemy is this?!?!!?!

An interesting comment: Abortion has been separated from medicine.

Society doesn't consider abortion as a part of health care. But it's a very medical procedure and often medically necessary.

Prior to medical school, I was pro-choice, but not very active about it. I have been very, very fortunate to have never gotten pregnant accidentally. So abortion never personally affected me. I just knew that if I were to get pregnant, I want the choice to have an abortion.

But now that I'm in medical school, I'm faced with more responsibility about my stance of pro-choice. As a physician, I will be an advocate for my patients who want an abortion even if I'm not the one performing it.

A part of me understands why people are pro-life. Besides religious reasons, it's difficult to empathize or sympathize with the stereotypical teenage girl who had unprotected sex. I can't empathize with them because I've never gotten pregnant accidentally. I can't sympathize with them because I use birth control. But this is very close-minded. I've just been lucky to not have gotten pregnant. I've had condoms break during intercourse or get stuck inside me. Thank you Planned Parenthood for free Plan B.

I feel that pro-life supporters don't even attempt to understand what a woman is going through when she makes the decision to have an abortion. Ok, that's harsh. Maybe they attempt to, but their closed-mindedness keeps them from being compassionate. It's so easy to scream from the picket lines. Screaming to bring another life into this world. But who is responsible for that life? They're surely not. They're not going to cough up the money to raise that life, they're not going to babysit that life, and most of them will not adopt that life. They just scream from the picket lines.

Sex is great. I believe in sex. I believe in sex for PLEASURE. If you're only having sex to reproduce, then I feel extremely sorry for you.

Accidents happen. But I believe in motherhood by choice, not chance. When a woman is able to CHOOSE whether or not to have children, it's beneficial for EVERYONE.