Progress! I had a very productive conversation with my mom a couple nights ago.

So I called her to tell her that David got me a ring. I wanted her to know that we're very serious about getting married. (I actually chose the ring and ordered it off a website, because I can't trust someone else to make that decision for me.)

Then she immediately asked, "You got it then?" And she wasn't talking about the ring. She was talking about the pre-nup.

Then she went on to repeat herself about how you never know what the future holds. "You're only 22..." We were talking over each other by this time, so I firmly said:

"Mom, can I say something?"

"Tell mommy what you have to say."

"I'm 24. And I have spent every day with David (practically) for the past 3 years, I know him and he knows me very well." (I didn't know how to say "each other" in Cantonese)

Then I told her that in California, you must be married for 10 years before you have to split everything in half. So if I'm not happy at 9 years, I can get out.

She was content that I did my research to protect myself, "oh, so you looked into it, that's good."

"Mom, I know you're worried about me. I understand that."

Silence. I was choked up, and the silence on the other end of the line meant she was choked up too.

I told her David and I wanted to visit her at the end of February. And this time, timing didn't work in my favor. My maternal grandmother from Canada will be visiting and staying only until mid-February.

When I told David about the unfortunate timing, I realized something for the first time: I only have 1 grandparent left. I never thought of it that way before. Both my grandfathers died before I was born, so when my paternal grandmother passed in 2010, I thought of it as a single loss. I didn't think of it in terms of having only one person from that generation left in my life. Sigh.

Anywho, I think my mom's pretty content with the divorce laws I told her about, but I'm not 100% sure. We'll find out at the end of February.

I have quite the dream to write about. And it'll be a perfect segue into my next important topic: how my mom feels about David and I getting married.

Just like they say in Inception, this dream starts in the middle...

I wake up in Emerson's bed. (yes, my on-again-off-again ex-boyfriend of 6.5 years) We kiss softly for several long seconds. No tongue, just lips gently pressed. Then he puts his lips on the curve between where my neck and shoulder meet and he blows. Like how you would blow on a child's belly to tickle them, I don't know if there's a verb for that. And it feels good. Dangerously good. Next thing I know he's whipped out his penis and is looking for a condom. As he struggles to tear open the Trojan ultra-ribbed condom in the gold package, I say, "I don't know if I want to do this." He tries to change my mind with words and caresses, and I thought about giving in. I thought, "this will make him happy. I owe him this. David doesn't have to know." Then Emerson starts to put on the condom and I snap out of it. I think, "I'm not that person anymore. I don't have to do this. I have to live with myself." So I tell Emerson "no." He gets angry and storms out of the bedroom. I get dressed (couldn't tell you when I got undressed) and it's a struggle to get my pants on. I'm not coordinated in my dreams. As I'm struggling to clothe myself, I hear my mom's voice on the other side of the door. She's giving food to Emerson's mom and telling her how to prepare it. I think, "shit! If she sees me here with my pants off, then she's really not going to like David and me getting married."

And scene.

I was anticipating telling my mom about David and me getting married for weeks. I knew I would see her in December, and decided that's when I would tell her. I was very nervous. She's always been critical of David. Literally almost every time she mentions David, it's about him going to school. Rather, it's about me pushing him to go to school. I had very good reason to be nervous. The worst-case scenario I imagined was her response being, "Not until he goes to school." The worst-case scenario didn't happen. And if I look at it that way, it makes the actual scenario a little easier to bare.

I told her, "I've been thinking..."

"Tell mommy what you've been thinking."

"I've been thinking that I want to marry David this year."

And I gave her the reason that I thought she would understand or agree with the most: he needs health insurance. We can't afford to pay for his work's health insurance.

Her immediate response was: pre-nup. She explained herself: you never know what will happen in the future. It'd be great if you love each other forever, but you really don't know that.

I know where she's coming from. She's the female breadwinner who was married to a cheating, voluntarily unemployed bum. She only owns half the house that she pays for in full. I know, mom, I know you're trying to protect me from repeating your mistakes.

But she doesn't know where I'm coming from. And it's not her fault. She's only met David a handful of times and hasn't spent any significant amount of time with us together. She doesn't know us. She doesn't know that we're the best couple in the world and that literally everyone we know isn't surprised by our wedding announcement. Even my uncle Bak Fu knows us better than my mom does.

So the plan of attack now is for David and me to visit Vegas. Show her what we're all about. 2 days isn't very long, but it'll have to do. Because after the visit or at the end of it, I'm going to tell her we are not getting a pre-nup.

I started the new year off on a good foot in terms of courage and conviction. Though the story I'm about to tell you happened before midnight last night, it was already 1/1/12 somewhere.

David and I spent New Year's Eve with just the 2 of us. Enjoying each other's company as we approached the double whammy that is New Year's day and our 3rd anniversary. During dinner, for some reason, I brought up a story of when we went to Disney World and David saw a man purposely litter. This guy was pushing a child in a stroller with his wife (presumably), and deliberately tossed a plastic cup onto the ground as he continues walking. I brought this up because I said to David that we should speak up the next time we see assholes like that doing something inconsiderate and irresponsible. By not saying anything, assholes will continue inconveniencing others with their ignorance and laziness without ever having to think that they're ignorant and lazy. Just speak up and put that thought in their head - "hey, you did something that makes you look like a small person."

Literally minutes before midnight, I see a white guy with glasses exit his car, drop 2 plastic cups on the curb, and goes on his merry way. I said to him "hey, you dropped your cup." His response was, "yeah I did," and continues to walk away. So he did it on purpose. So he doesn't care about littering or the environment or keeping the world we live in a nice place. But he knows littering is against our society's moral code, or at least against what we teach our children at school. And he might never care, but at least I reminded him that his action was one of a small person.

Less than 15 seconds after he walks away, someone walking behind him picks up his cups for him. I wonder how he felt to return to his car with his trash having been picked up. I wonder if he thought, "ha, I got someone else to pick up my trash for me," or, "I'm an adult and I'm embarrassed that someone cleaned up after me." Either way, I'm proud of myself. I loathe confrontation, but that needs to change if I am to be a doctor. Maybe I accidentally made a new year's resolution?

I mention that he's a white guy with glasses because assumptions and stereotypes are so powerful. When I first saw him, I assumed he was nerdy, and therefore educated. By assuming he was educated, I expected that he would be relatively mature and responsible. I don't know what his nerdiness or education level are, but he surely didn't act mature and responsibly. Anywho, I immediately correlated the assumption I made of him with the stereotype that Asians aren't the ones who are followed around in a store for fear of shoplifting. I must admit I used this stereotype to my advantage in my heyday. And this guy probably uses his appearance to his advantage too.