Jason Mraz anyone? He's on tour and will be coming to LA on November 1st. So if you want to go, keep me in mind. I think I'll be buying tickets before September 1st because he's immensely popular. He's on my list of artists to see in concert. After him, I just need to see Mariah Carey and I'll be set for life. Yeah, I'll buy my ticket by September 1st even if no one responds to this message; that's how badly I want to see him. But it would be nice to go with someone. =)

As my girls hugged me, some said, "You were the best night RA." And I couldn't help but tear up.

I was really lucky to get a suite of girls who didn't cause any trouble, who had a positive attitude, and who were glad to be in COSMOS. I can't wait to add them in Facebook to keep in touch. I have 9 friend requests awaiting confirmation right now. I decided I wouldn't add them until COSMOS was officially over. There is some content on my profile that may be considered inappropriate for COSMOS. We do have a special relationship where I am their RA and they are my residents, and I want to maintain the professionalism throughout the program.

But when Saturday night rolls around, I'll confirm their friend requests and tag them in photos.

Yeah, they were great girls and this month flew by. But it will be over tomorrow, and I must admit I am eager to leave. Not that I didn't love this job, but when something is so near its end, I just want to get it over with.

COSMOS is going to end this Saturday. For those of you who don't know, for the past month, I've been a night and weekend RA for this high school summer science program. I'm taking two classes, and work night and weekends (obviously), and I volunteer on Tuesdays. It's a sweet deal. I'm living in Middle Earth, and all my meals are covered. But it's about to end in a few days...

August is going to be an interesting month. I'm taking 3 upper-division Bio classes. I need 2 of them, and the 3rd is a "what the hell, summer school is cheap for me, and I could raise my science GPA" kind of class. And I'll be volunteering once a week. And then...that's it.

I don't know what I'll do with myself in August and September. No job, no APSA, no research?

Of course I'll be job-hunting. But I see myself working out a lot. My goal is to lose at least 8 pounds by Hawaii (because I gained 8 pounds this year).

By the way, I'm going to Hawaii at the end of September. It will be my first time! I'm going for my best friend Randy's 21st birthday! So much excitement! Before I start a full-time job, I thought I'd treat myself. I guess it's my graduation present to myself. Good job, Jenny, for making it out in 4 years!

In life, there are things you can choose to do and things you can't. In my life right now,

I choose to:

1. NOT call him, text him, IM him, comment on his myspace, or send him a myspace message. Even though I'm so tempted to.

2. Check his myspace page to see if he's posted any new pictures or blogs. And just to see what's up with his life in general (because he sure as hell doesn't update me directly). It's really unhealthy and pretty pathetic. I feel like a stalker.

I can't choose that I:

1. Have feelings for him.

2. Think about him.

3. Want him to change.

I feel what I feel, I think what I think, I want what I want.

I don't like the girl I've become because of him. I emphasize girl and not person, because I'm still the same person. But as a girl, he has made me obsessive and insecure. I feel unwanted.

FUCK! I'm a sexy beast! He would be fucking lucky to have me! Or would he? FUCK! Look at how he's making me doubt my sexiness!

I'm going to try to stop checking his myspace. It only depresses me more. His status today said "_____ is missing her ALOT!!!" Mood: lonely Yeah, he misspelled "a lot." I'd like to think that it's me he's missing and it's me he's lonely for (I think what I think). And I so badly want to call him and ask. But then I realized, if he misses me, HE SHOULD FUCKING TELL ME HIMSELF! And if it's not me he's missing, then I'm so not emotionally prepared to handle that.

Okay, everyone. I'll fill you in and not try to be mysterious/anonymous/stupid.

There's a guy in Hawaii. I've known him for over four years. Ann met him off asianavenue.com (which is now asianave.com, like subtracting 3 letters will bring back AzN PrIdE), and one day when I was over at her house, I used her AIM screenname and we started talking. So yes, I met him off the internet, whatever. Fast-forward 3.5 years, I finally met him in person last October. It was the day after Shocktoberfest, I still had front bangs (which I have mixed feelings about), and I was at the peak of my weight loss. We had a pretty good time together, and a crush developed on my part at least.

Then 8 months go by and it's been an emotionally turbulent 8 months in terms of my feelings for him. We'd go months without communicating, then we'd have 2-3 hour phone conversations. I'm starting to understand him better, his inconsistency, his periods of absence, but it doesn't make sense to me. He doesn't make any sense. He says the sweetest things to me, and I just eat his words up. But then...he'll go MIA for weeks. I tell myself it's a Hawaiian thing, like they're just laid back like that (stereotyping is no good). I partially believe it, but the other side of myself is saying, "Stop it."

Really, Jenny? There are so many reasons to stop, to just say, "Fuck it. Fuck him." Then I listen to his song (he's a DJ), or he'll randomly call or text me. Man, I sound pretty pathetic, to go ga-ga over a call or text.

He lives in fucking Hawaii. What the fuck am I thinking?

I'm thinking his birthday's coming up and I'm eager to mail him his present. And he's supposed to come in August, and I'm going to Hawaii in September, and he'll probably be back in October. That's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking it'll be amazing when I see him.

Gosh, I want August to come already. One more month. Breathe, don't be pathetic, it's not attractive.

The first ever API Presidential Town Hall was held on Saturday, May 17th, 2008. I had never been so inspired by just being in a room full of people before. Here's a video of Beau Sia that I recorded:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TMHBUSdyhE