I have to spread the word.
There's no way he's winning. I can tell the future, if you didn't know. I know Obama is going to be our next president. But I must spread the word just in case I'm wrong. Better safe than sorry.
I don't know what percentage of this country is Christian, but I do know that if enough people see this video, every non-Christian will not vote for him. And moderate open-minded Christians won't vote for him either. Alright. Sleep tight.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Monday, June 09, 2008
This is a post to vent.
As I was trying on powder at a make-up counter with an employee, my sister asks how often I wear powder. I answer "as often as I wear make-up, which averages every other week," and she responds, "you're so lazy." I didn't respond, and if I did, it wasn't a strong comment or else I'd remember it. I held back, because I knew it was another opportunity for me to bigger than my sister. I could have responded (here's where the venting comes in) "You may call me lazy, but I could call you insecure, superficial, and vain." It is partially true that I don't wear make-up everyday because I'm lazy, and it's not the falsehood of her comment that upsets me, it's the fact that she said it in front of a complete stranger as she was doing my make-up. Did she embarrass me in front of the lady to make herself feel better? Did she call me lazy so she wouldn't recognize her own insecurities? She is the epitome of the kind of person who puts others down to make herself feel better. It's funny because she thinks the same thing of me. But I don't insult her heavy eye makeup or her unnatural colored contacts. I don't point out the fact that she's 24 and not yet at a 4-year university. If I do point out her flaws, it's out of frustration with those flaws and not for my own validation. I have recently pointed out to her that it's questionable that she made $40,000+/year and has no savings to show for it. But I pointed that out because I was frustrated with her asking my mother (who makes less than that) for money. Her heavy eye makeup, colored contacts, and education don't affect me, thus I don't point them out. How does my seldom wearing makeup affect her?
I admit, I used to be the person who puts her down to make myself feel better. I can't point out a specific instance, but it does feel familiar that I've mentioned that I'm smarter than her. But I haven't done this in a long time, and I've matured since then. I've matured so much that I don't even think that I'm smarter than her. I acknowledge that she has strengths in areas I don't, and vice versa. I don't even use college education as an equivalent to intelligence anymore. She had her reasons for postponing her education, and that's fine.
I don't wear make-up everyday because I grew up not wearing makeup everyday. While old habits die hard, new habits are hard to create. I also don't feel the need to hide my flaws everyday, whom do I need to impress? To me, putting on makeup serves the purpose of impressing, and I don't need to impress someone everyday. That is where we're different. She feels the need to impress someone everyday. I'm not judging her reasoning, I'm just acknowledging that we're different. Like we're different in intelligence. If I'm mature enough to acknowledge our differences without valuing it as inferior or superior, why can't she?
As I was trying on powder at a make-up counter with an employee, my sister asks how often I wear powder. I answer "as often as I wear make-up, which averages every other week," and she responds, "you're so lazy." I didn't respond, and if I did, it wasn't a strong comment or else I'd remember it. I held back, because I knew it was another opportunity for me to bigger than my sister. I could have responded (here's where the venting comes in) "You may call me lazy, but I could call you insecure, superficial, and vain." It is partially true that I don't wear make-up everyday because I'm lazy, and it's not the falsehood of her comment that upsets me, it's the fact that she said it in front of a complete stranger as she was doing my make-up. Did she embarrass me in front of the lady to make herself feel better? Did she call me lazy so she wouldn't recognize her own insecurities? She is the epitome of the kind of person who puts others down to make herself feel better. It's funny because she thinks the same thing of me. But I don't insult her heavy eye makeup or her unnatural colored contacts. I don't point out the fact that she's 24 and not yet at a 4-year university. If I do point out her flaws, it's out of frustration with those flaws and not for my own validation. I have recently pointed out to her that it's questionable that she made $40,000+/year and has no savings to show for it. But I pointed that out because I was frustrated with her asking my mother (who makes less than that) for money. Her heavy eye makeup, colored contacts, and education don't affect me, thus I don't point them out. How does my seldom wearing makeup affect her?
I admit, I used to be the person who puts her down to make myself feel better. I can't point out a specific instance, but it does feel familiar that I've mentioned that I'm smarter than her. But I haven't done this in a long time, and I've matured since then. I've matured so much that I don't even think that I'm smarter than her. I acknowledge that she has strengths in areas I don't, and vice versa. I don't even use college education as an equivalent to intelligence anymore. She had her reasons for postponing her education, and that's fine.
I don't wear make-up everyday because I grew up not wearing makeup everyday. While old habits die hard, new habits are hard to create. I also don't feel the need to hide my flaws everyday, whom do I need to impress? To me, putting on makeup serves the purpose of impressing, and I don't need to impress someone everyday. That is where we're different. She feels the need to impress someone everyday. I'm not judging her reasoning, I'm just acknowledging that we're different. Like we're different in intelligence. If I'm mature enough to acknowledge our differences without valuing it as inferior or superior, why can't she?
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
It's been over a month since my last sad excuse of a post. So I feel like I should explain it. But I won't explain it too much, because I can't reveal a lot of things on this public blog due to various things I'm hiding from people in my life.
I love my mom with all my heart as I've mentioned numerous times before. But my distaste for Vegas is so great that my love for her is not enough to visit. I don't want to say why I'm letting go of Vegas, but I'll describe my feelings about visiting.
I realized that I visited Vegas for a handful of people. There were a handful of people in Vegas I did not want to let go of. But after my last visit during Spring Break, I realized that for one of those people, I was holding on but s/he was not. I've known this for awhile, but I was in denial (hey, that rhymes). I thought that if I kept making the effort, s/he would eventually also make the effort. But it is truly disheartening being in an unequal relationship of any kind. And this cheerful girl will not stand to be disheartened any longer.
And of course, there is him. I often wish that teleportation were real. Because the idea of me going to Vegas to be with him and the idea of him coming to Cali to be with me are not appealing. I long for him when I'm lonely, whenever I encounter the many things in my life that remind me of him. But not lonely enough to drive to Vegas or to ask him to drive to Cali. Just lonely enough to wish we could teleport. I have so many of his clothes, too many. I don't have the heart to throw them away, so they're in a storage box in my cousin's patio. I think I'll give them back to him if he were ever to visit Cali for another reason but me.
My lack of desire to go to Vegas coincides with my true, real, actual singledom. I am actually single now. For real. I have been faking it for the past 2 years, but it's for real this time. I have no idea when I'm going to see him again, and I'm very very proud of myself.
But I'm unhappy. This is unfortunate. I am the kind of girl who needs to have a boyfriend. Rather, has been accustomed to having one for 6 years and doesn't know how to deal. I've done some stupid things in the past few weeks to cope. I won't go into that. Just shows that I'm still growing and maturing, and I still need to learn to love myself more and treat myself better.
I love my mom with all my heart as I've mentioned numerous times before. But my distaste for Vegas is so great that my love for her is not enough to visit. I don't want to say why I'm letting go of Vegas, but I'll describe my feelings about visiting.
I realized that I visited Vegas for a handful of people. There were a handful of people in Vegas I did not want to let go of. But after my last visit during Spring Break, I realized that for one of those people, I was holding on but s/he was not. I've known this for awhile, but I was in denial (hey, that rhymes). I thought that if I kept making the effort, s/he would eventually also make the effort. But it is truly disheartening being in an unequal relationship of any kind. And this cheerful girl will not stand to be disheartened any longer.
And of course, there is him. I often wish that teleportation were real. Because the idea of me going to Vegas to be with him and the idea of him coming to Cali to be with me are not appealing. I long for him when I'm lonely, whenever I encounter the many things in my life that remind me of him. But not lonely enough to drive to Vegas or to ask him to drive to Cali. Just lonely enough to wish we could teleport. I have so many of his clothes, too many. I don't have the heart to throw them away, so they're in a storage box in my cousin's patio. I think I'll give them back to him if he were ever to visit Cali for another reason but me.
My lack of desire to go to Vegas coincides with my true, real, actual singledom. I am actually single now. For real. I have been faking it for the past 2 years, but it's for real this time. I have no idea when I'm going to see him again, and I'm very very proud of myself.
But I'm unhappy. This is unfortunate. I am the kind of girl who needs to have a boyfriend. Rather, has been accustomed to having one for 6 years and doesn't know how to deal. I've done some stupid things in the past few weeks to cope. I won't go into that. Just shows that I'm still growing and maturing, and I still need to learn to love myself more and treat myself better.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
So as of my grades this quarter, I'm keeping up my resolution to maintain a 3.5 science GPA. I got an A in Cell Bio! I really wasn't expecting that. But a B+ is Neurobio lab. Turns out my next quarter is looking pretty hectic but in a different way. I thought I was going to be taking 3 UD Bio classes, but I'm actually only taking 1 along with 3 Asian Am classes. So it'll be a lot of reading, but not a lot of studying. If I don't get an A in that ONE bio class...I don't deserve to go to med school. Ha!
I have this one Asian Am class on Wednesday evenings which conflicts with 2 of my events during APIHM, and another event conflicts with its discussion. I'm not one to back down from my commitments to other people. I am much more the type of person to drop a class than to relieve my responsibilities from something as important as APIHM. Even though I've never done either. I could give it off to my interns except one is taking the class too, and they're both not ready to handle 3 events in one month. Which says something about my mentoring quality, I'll admit. And it's not even giving my interns control over the event, I'm not comfortable giving my event to any of the board members. It's not that I don't trust them specifically, I just don't trust anyone. I birthed and raised these events, and I couldn't handle them being executed in any way but my own way. I'm very picky. I don't like typos and I don't like not doing things justice. And it kills me to see either. So I've never dropped a class during/after Week 1, but this might be a first.
I have this one Asian Am class on Wednesday evenings which conflicts with 2 of my events during APIHM, and another event conflicts with its discussion. I'm not one to back down from my commitments to other people. I am much more the type of person to drop a class than to relieve my responsibilities from something as important as APIHM. Even though I've never done either. I could give it off to my interns except one is taking the class too, and they're both not ready to handle 3 events in one month. Which says something about my mentoring quality, I'll admit. And it's not even giving my interns control over the event, I'm not comfortable giving my event to any of the board members. It's not that I don't trust them specifically, I just don't trust anyone. I birthed and raised these events, and I couldn't handle them being executed in any way but my own way. I'm very picky. I don't like typos and I don't like not doing things justice. And it kills me to see either. So I've never dropped a class during/after Week 1, but this might be a first.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
It is Tuesday, and I am DONE WITH FINALS!! And now I can blog, about what, I don't know. Ok, so I had traffic school last week. There's 2 things I want to say about that.
First, it was a 7 hour class, 3.5 hours on a Monday and Tuesday. In order to go there Monday, I had to miss an Uncultivated Rabbits meeting, a Constituents meeting, and an Umbrella Council meeting. And on Tuesday, I had to miss an APSA meeting. So my point is that I was able to take 7 extra hours out of my schedule to go to this traffic school, and if I weren't involved in any of these activities, that could be 7 hours of studying a week!! I do spend more time on my extracurriculars than on studying. On top of meetings, I spend even more time planning, organizing, e-mailing. Yes e-mailing and researching for programs takes a lot of time. I wouldn't give up my student leadership experience with APSA for anything (except maybe a 4.0 GPA), I'm just observing.
Secondly, so I had 3 months to go to traffic school, and I put it off until the last minute. My due date was March 11th, and I scheduled a class for March 9th. So Sunday, March 9th rolled around, I woke up at noon like any other Sunday. Tra la la, "what time should I go into research to make up hours? I really want to see Definitely, Maybe...OH SHIT!" I was supposed to be there at 7:45 am, so it's way too late to still go now. I'm freaking out! I cannot, cannot have a point on my license! So I call all the traffic schools I can, and after several attempts and hearing "we don't have anything within 50 miles," I luckily find Improv Comedy Club Traffic School in Buena Park, and it's broken up into 2 classes on the 10th and 11th. Reading my court papers, I'm unclear as to when I'm supposed to have my certificate into the court by. Am I supposed to complete traffic school by March 11th or submit the certificate to the court by the 11th? If it's the latter situation, I'm screwed. Because the class ends at 9:30pm, I won't be able to submit it until the 12th in the morning. I didn't know the answer to this question until the 12th, and I just attended traffic school and hoped for the answer I wanted. So I approach the window of the courthouse, and held my breath. The lady says, "Oh, you completed it the day it was due?" And I say, "Yeaaaah, is that okay?" She says, "Yeah, it's fine." WHOOOOO!! I don't think how much I emphasized how big a deal it was that I don't get a point on my driver's license. Insurance goes up about $300/year and the point stays on for 3 years! That's $1000 I saved! So I was scared shitless for 2 days...and my theory of life remains true: things always work out.
Life always works out for me. Even in the worst of times, I always have this gut feeling that everything's going to be alright. My life's not fabulous nor comfortable, but I don't have it too shabby. Thank God for credit cards.
First, it was a 7 hour class, 3.5 hours on a Monday and Tuesday. In order to go there Monday, I had to miss an Uncultivated Rabbits meeting, a Constituents meeting, and an Umbrella Council meeting. And on Tuesday, I had to miss an APSA meeting. So my point is that I was able to take 7 extra hours out of my schedule to go to this traffic school, and if I weren't involved in any of these activities, that could be 7 hours of studying a week!! I do spend more time on my extracurriculars than on studying. On top of meetings, I spend even more time planning, organizing, e-mailing. Yes e-mailing and researching for programs takes a lot of time. I wouldn't give up my student leadership experience with APSA for anything (except maybe a 4.0 GPA), I'm just observing.
Secondly, so I had 3 months to go to traffic school, and I put it off until the last minute. My due date was March 11th, and I scheduled a class for March 9th. So Sunday, March 9th rolled around, I woke up at noon like any other Sunday. Tra la la, "what time should I go into research to make up hours? I really want to see Definitely, Maybe...OH SHIT!" I was supposed to be there at 7:45 am, so it's way too late to still go now. I'm freaking out! I cannot, cannot have a point on my license! So I call all the traffic schools I can, and after several attempts and hearing "we don't have anything within 50 miles," I luckily find Improv Comedy Club Traffic School in Buena Park, and it's broken up into 2 classes on the 10th and 11th. Reading my court papers, I'm unclear as to when I'm supposed to have my certificate into the court by. Am I supposed to complete traffic school by March 11th or submit the certificate to the court by the 11th? If it's the latter situation, I'm screwed. Because the class ends at 9:30pm, I won't be able to submit it until the 12th in the morning. I didn't know the answer to this question until the 12th, and I just attended traffic school and hoped for the answer I wanted. So I approach the window of the courthouse, and held my breath. The lady says, "Oh, you completed it the day it was due?" And I say, "Yeaaaah, is that okay?" She says, "Yeah, it's fine." WHOOOOO!! I don't think how much I emphasized how big a deal it was that I don't get a point on my driver's license. Insurance goes up about $300/year and the point stays on for 3 years! That's $1000 I saved! So I was scared shitless for 2 days...and my theory of life remains true: things always work out.
Life always works out for me. Even in the worst of times, I always have this gut feeling that everything's going to be alright. My life's not fabulous nor comfortable, but I don't have it too shabby. Thank God for credit cards.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
I have a new reason to wake up in the morning. And if I realized this a couple years ago, I could have saved my GPA. It's my motivation to study, to trek home every night at 12 in the morning.
My mama.
Of course I have always lived for her, don't get me wrong. I guess when I was too lazy to study or too lazy to get my ass up in the morning, I only thought about myself and my grades. So even though I don't really want bad grades, I accepted them because I knew I deserved them .
It hit me when I had a conversation with Jesse last week. He had a crazy long to-do list, and we were at Jack-in-the-Box at 12:30 am (right out of an Umbrella meeting). He ordered a lot of food, and told me it was supposed to last him the whole night. "You're pulling an all-nighter, and it's week 1?" I asked him. And he explained to me how his mom has worked so hard to get him into college, to make sure he's educated and successful, and choosing Asian Am as a major could be disappointing. And to prevent all his mom's work from being in vain, Jesse has all these extracurricular activities and all these responsibilities outside of his academics to ensure his success. His to-do list consisted of almost all non-academic tasks.
Then it hit me, even though I already kinda knew. I am pre-med for my mom. My goal in life is to take care of my mom. I am here for my mom. B+ is just not going to cut it.
So even though Umbrella Council starts at 9:30 pm on Mondays. And APSA meetings with afterevents end at 10:00+ on Tuesdays. I have the weekend to study. I am going to make up for the past 1 1/2 years of forgetting why I'm here. And this epiphany better carry over to next quarter (to the rest of my life, actually), because I have to take 2 upper division Bio labs, an upper division Bio lecture, Asian Am 60C, Asian Am 101, and research. Next quarter's going to be hell. I'll be finishing up my UROP and presenting a poster on my project in May!!!! Ahhh!!!
I can't wait til APAAC and APIHM are over. I love you APSA. And I love APAAC and APIHM, but you know...
My mama.
Of course I have always lived for her, don't get me wrong. I guess when I was too lazy to study or too lazy to get my ass up in the morning, I only thought about myself and my grades. So even though I don't really want bad grades, I accepted them because I knew I deserved them .
It hit me when I had a conversation with Jesse last week. He had a crazy long to-do list, and we were at Jack-in-the-Box at 12:30 am (right out of an Umbrella meeting). He ordered a lot of food, and told me it was supposed to last him the whole night. "You're pulling an all-nighter, and it's week 1?" I asked him. And he explained to me how his mom has worked so hard to get him into college, to make sure he's educated and successful, and choosing Asian Am as a major could be disappointing. And to prevent all his mom's work from being in vain, Jesse has all these extracurricular activities and all these responsibilities outside of his academics to ensure his success. His to-do list consisted of almost all non-academic tasks.
Then it hit me, even though I already kinda knew. I am pre-med for my mom. My goal in life is to take care of my mom. I am here for my mom. B+ is just not going to cut it.
So even though Umbrella Council starts at 9:30 pm on Mondays. And APSA meetings with afterevents end at 10:00+ on Tuesdays. I have the weekend to study. I am going to make up for the past 1 1/2 years of forgetting why I'm here. And this epiphany better carry over to next quarter (to the rest of my life, actually), because I have to take 2 upper division Bio labs, an upper division Bio lecture, Asian Am 60C, Asian Am 101, and research. Next quarter's going to be hell. I'll be finishing up my UROP and presenting a poster on my project in May!!!! Ahhh!!!
I can't wait til APAAC and APIHM are over. I love you APSA. And I love APAAC and APIHM, but you know...
Monday, January 21, 2008
Considering I said that my blog needs some serious excitation, that last post really sucked balls.
I just took this cool test that figures out which candidate is aligned with my views. And it's Kucinich. Then Edwards, then Clinton, and then Obama. Romney is least aligned with my views, that fool got like -48 points or something, followed closely by Fuckabee (who has Chuck Norris approval though, hmmm). So yeah, Obama opposes same-sex marriage, but opposes opposing same-sex marriage. Yeah, it's as stupid and confusing as it sounds. He supports same sex civil unions, but not same sex-marriages. But he opposes a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage. Then why doesn't he just support same-sex marriage then?
I am going to have to ask my queer friends to see how they feel about civil unions. If they're cool with it, then Obama's still cool. But there were 25 questions, and Kucinich agreed with me on ALL of them. Man, I wish he had a chance. I guess he's too liberal. Man...
Will I be wasting a vote on Kucinich? I do still want Obama to make it to the general election though. To have a person of color there...
Al Gore didn't come back, and Kerry didn't come back, so Obama probably won't come back next time around.
Now that I think about it. Obama had testimonials from prominent people in the API community on his website. But he didn't have any from the LGBT community. It's probably because they don't support him.
In these recent Nevada primaries, Obama had support from the Culinary Worker Union, which my mama is a part of. I know her though, and I know she didn't choose to support him herself. And I know my parents didn't participate in the caucuses (which I think are so stupid by the way). Their English is way too limited to know what the hell is going on at a caucus, which is why I think APALC is great for getting poll monitors out there (yes, I know Cali doesn't use caucuses).
Maybe I won't vote because I'm too confused. There's no way Kucinich is going into the general election. Do I vote for him anyway? It's a matter of principle vs. logic. Ahhh!!
I just took this cool test that figures out which candidate is aligned with my views. And it's Kucinich. Then Edwards, then Clinton, and then Obama. Romney is least aligned with my views, that fool got like -48 points or something, followed closely by Fuckabee (who has Chuck Norris approval though, hmmm). So yeah, Obama opposes same-sex marriage, but opposes opposing same-sex marriage. Yeah, it's as stupid and confusing as it sounds. He supports same sex civil unions, but not same sex-marriages. But he opposes a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage. Then why doesn't he just support same-sex marriage then?
I am going to have to ask my queer friends to see how they feel about civil unions. If they're cool with it, then Obama's still cool. But there were 25 questions, and Kucinich agreed with me on ALL of them. Man, I wish he had a chance. I guess he's too liberal. Man...
Will I be wasting a vote on Kucinich? I do still want Obama to make it to the general election though. To have a person of color there...
Al Gore didn't come back, and Kerry didn't come back, so Obama probably won't come back next time around.
Now that I think about it. Obama had testimonials from prominent people in the API community on his website. But he didn't have any from the LGBT community. It's probably because they don't support him.
In these recent Nevada primaries, Obama had support from the Culinary Worker Union, which my mama is a part of. I know her though, and I know she didn't choose to support him herself. And I know my parents didn't participate in the caucuses (which I think are so stupid by the way). Their English is way too limited to know what the hell is going on at a caucus, which is why I think APALC is great for getting poll monitors out there (yes, I know Cali doesn't use caucuses).
Maybe I won't vote because I'm too confused. There's no way Kucinich is going into the general election. Do I vote for him anyway? It's a matter of principle vs. logic. Ahhh!!
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Grace Young's blog totally kicks my blog's ass. Alright Jen Jen's ramblings, we need to better ourselves!
I thought of a new, not so serious resolution that I'm currently achieving actually. It's kind of embarrassing, but if I can't laugh at myself then...I should just die. Haha. See? Laughing at myself. So I do this thing that I got from my mom. I don't know why she does it, but I remember watching her do it when I was young.
I, like my mom, snap my bra in the front, then I twist it around to put it on. It's embarrassing, it's not sexy, and it's bad for my bras (because my bras have feelings too). So my resolution now is to snap my bra in the back. And it's a lot sexier that way, not to mention better for my bras. I'm already achieving this resolution, so I just gotta get kick-ass at it.
And I have a resolution for you men out there. Learn how to take a bra off with one hand. Now that's sexy.
I thought of a new, not so serious resolution that I'm currently achieving actually. It's kind of embarrassing, but if I can't laugh at myself then...I should just die. Haha. See? Laughing at myself. So I do this thing that I got from my mom. I don't know why she does it, but I remember watching her do it when I was young.
I, like my mom, snap my bra in the front, then I twist it around to put it on. It's embarrassing, it's not sexy, and it's bad for my bras (because my bras have feelings too). So my resolution now is to snap my bra in the back. And it's a lot sexier that way, not to mention better for my bras. I'm already achieving this resolution, so I just gotta get kick-ass at it.
And I have a resolution for you men out there. Learn how to take a bra off with one hand. Now that's sexy.
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