Today is the first day of Lent. I'm not Catholic, I'm not even Christian. But I do have a desire to test myself only temporarily. So the 40 days of Lent is already set up for me, and all I have to do is follow it. I've been talking about it for a month or so now, and I love that I've inspired my friends to participate with me. Lilian is giving up eating out for lunch when at work. Tiffany is giving up chips. And David is giving up soda.

Oh yeah, and I'm giving up meat. Meat as in beef, pork, poultry, and seafood. But I'll still eat eggs and dairy products. Usually for Lent, you're supposed to give up something that you do a lot of and find pleasure in. While I do eat meat everyday and find pleasure in it, there are much worse things I could (should?) have given up. Well, I have one thing in mind, and if you know me, you know what it is (or you can ask). So I'm not challenging myself as much as I could, but this will be a challenge nonetheless.

I chose meat mainly for environmental reasons. I don't know all the facts, but I know the production of meat and seafood adversely affects our world. Another small reason is the Buddhist inside of me, isn't that ironic considering this is a Catholic holiday?

I'm not even through day one yet, but I'm confident I won't have an infraction. I've told too many people to embarrass myself by failing!

Last Saturday, my mentee and I hung out with one of my friends. My friend pointed out how my mentee continuously referenced me, like seeking my approval or just my reaction. She really looks up to me.

Her name is Jenny also. David and I call her Little Jenny. And like me, she's smart and the youngest in her family. I see a lot of me in her when I was her age. Like wanting to show how smart I am and priding myself on being right. Oh wait, that's me today. Haha. She's talked about how people in her family have used poor grammar and made-up words like "funner." I didn't know "funner" wasn't a word until high school! I'm not the only one who sees our similarities, David sees it too. He said he especially saw me in her after this conversation:

Little Jenny and I were talking about a cross street in Santa Ana that we both know.

Little Jenny: Is there a Del Taco there?

Me: yes

Little Jenny: Is there a liquor store there?

Me: yes

Little Jenny: Then I'm right.

Am I that self-righteous?! Haha, I tend to be. But in my and little Jenny's defense, it's because we ARE right. Haha. I think it's great that she has as much confidence as she does considering the circumstances.

I don't really have any regrets in my life. I've made a lot of mistakes, but none of them haunt me anymore. I've moved on, or I'm still moving on.

But at this moment, my one regret is this: I was invited to interview at military medical school on November 19th, 2009, and I pushed it back to January 7th, 2010. Medical school uses rolling admissions; this means the earlier you interview, the earlier you're accepted, and the slots continue to fill.

I pushed it back because the military was not my first choice, and I already had another interview in November and didn't want to request more days off work in the same month.

Then I went to the interview and how my mind has changed. I want to be accepted into military medical school so bad. I don't remember the last time I wanted anything this bad.

So military medical school is free tuition plus $55,000 salary per year. Instead of borrowing $200,000 for 4 years, I'll be MAKING that much. I'm already in a lot of debt and I hate it. So I hate even more the idea of being in debt for the next 10+ years.

I have come to terms with most of the cons (I say most, because I'm sure I don't know the whole story), and some of them have even become pros. After residency, I would have a 7-year commitment as an active duty officer. I could be deployed overseas, which could last from 4-15 months. Then after I come back from deployment, I'd be at the bottom of the list to be deployed again. They could station me wherever they need me, meaning my family would have to move around. On my flight to DC (where the medical school is), I met a nurse whose husband was in the Air Force. And she told me how her kids turned out great and well-adjusted. The 7-year commitment and my 3 years of residency go towards my retirement, and I can retire after 20 years! I'd be 46.

I've always wanted to be a physician who served the community. But with six-figure student loans, it's unlikely I'd be able to do that. With the military, I'd be serving troops and their families, and wouldn't have to worry about loans. And if I can retire at 46, then I can serve in community clinics.

If I were single and not really interested in having kids before 30, then the military wouldn't sound so appealing. But David and I are headed in the direction of marriage, and we both want kids before 30. The military is so family friendly, and married people are the majority at military medical school. I'd miss my family and Southern California, but I get 30 days of leave per year (not including holidays) so I'd visit all the time.

Wish me luck!

2009 Year In Review

2009 was the year of falling madly in love with David and medical school applications.

January

Met David at approximately 1:30am

March

Bought our dog Tao for $299. She's named after the place David and I met.

April

David bought his car: 1993 240 SX we named Genevieve

May

I took my MCAT and scored a 28. I had told myself that I would become a teacher if I scored anything less than 28...maybe it's a sign.

David and I take our first trip together to San Francisco.

June

My nephew Collin Noah Gee was born.

August

David and I move in together.


September

I get invited to my first medical school interview with UC Davis! Then I yell at David for the first time for not coming home to me as soon as I told him the news. His excuse was that he had to pick up his dad because his car broke down. Excuses, excuses!

I meet the VIP that will help me get into medical school. APSA has finally paid off!


October

I go to Sacramento for the first time for my first medical school interview at UC Davis.


My maternal grandmother turns 71! We go to Winnipeg (Canada) to celebrate, my first time back in over 10 years.

November

I interview in Las Vegas for the University of Nevada School of Medicine.

I turn 22. David and I go hiking at Griffith Park, and my bestest friends join me for dinner at Buca di Beppo.

So I'm a mentor to a 7-year old girl whose father was in prison. I asked her if she wanted to go to college, and she said no! She had previously told me she wanted to be a nurse, so I told her today that you have to go to college to be a nurse. And she said, "I don't want to be a nurse then." Aiyah! She's smart in the sense that she said that she's only in second grade and will learn more when she gets older. But good schooling starts now!

I don't post in my blog that often because I write for other people. What I mean by that is I write things I think people will find interesting...and my life's not that interesting.

But I've decided today that I will keep this blog for myself. A lot of thoughts float through my brain throughout the day (thanks to the stimulation of NPR), and I used to reserve those for facebook status updates. But I'm much too deep to limit my thoughts to the confines of a facebook status.

Today, I'm going to write about the new movie An Education. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1174732/

I didn't watch the movie, and probably won't. But it's about a girl who is in her last year of high school (so I'm assuming 17) and her friendship-turned-romance with a man twice her age. And I kid you not, their names are Jenny and David.

As I told my friend Lilian, I don't want to watch this movie because I've lived this movie. And I don't like to be reminded of my past mistakes, because honestly, I find them disgusting. I made so many mistakes while growing up. Not only were there decisions I wish I hadn't made, but I was a person I wish I wasn't. Of course, my unhappy past has shaped who I am today, and to be completely frank, I really like how I turned out. The point is I'm embarrassed to tell you that I started meeting guys off the internet at 12 and only became monogamous this past year. But I should only be embarrassed if I were still that person. And I'm so not. I was a teenager (and pre-teenager) with low self-esteem who sought validation from boys...and men.

I have this superiority complex where I think my relationship with David is the best relationship ever and the standard all my friends should live by (or try to live up to). Of course the tiny logical part of me keeps me from saying this out loud and explicitly, but I do hint at it and give examples of how happy we are. But I'm an adult, and I know this isn't right. I know that all relationships are different and they make it work the way they want to make it work...and I accept that not all my girlfriends want what I want in a boyfriend.

David and I both have our flaws. But we're both really happy because we strive to make each other happy. I think my superiority complex stems from my girlfriends who talk about their boyfriends not giving them what they want - emotionally and financially. Emotionally, David has given his all to me, we both want the same things for our relationship. Financially, we live together, and when you're already at that level of commitment, there should be no financial secrets. He can't provide me with a lot, but he's completely transparent with his spending. I know when he's over-spending and we discuss it. Just because we live together doesn't mean we split everything in half. I give more because I have more to give, and I know he would do the same when the tables are turned.

I have to force myself to hold my tongue when it comes to my friends. If they want to be in that relationship, it is their choice. While the superiority complex part of me says, "but don't they want what I have?" But David and I have a very specific relationship that works for us. When I'm a baby, he babies me. I have more life experience, more income, and more education - which puts me in the position of teacher in our relationship. I definitely get that not everyone wants that.

I've been mad at him, and I've raised my voice. But my sweet, sweet man has never raised his voice at me, which means we still haven't fought. I've heard that fighting is good for relationships because it means you're communicating. I beg to differ. Couples should communicate before the fighting begins.

Right now as I type this, our loving dog Tao is curled up in my lap. Getting a dog together as a couple really does resemble having a child together. There's a deep bond between the three of us that would be very difficult to break. Plus, we named her after where David and I met (Together As One).

Tally of interviews, rejections, and a special third category as of today

Interviews
UC Davis
University of Nevada (Reno)
Uniformed Services University of Health Sciences (Military medical school)
University of Central Florida (Orlando)
UC Irvine (tentative)

Rejections
University of Hawai'i
Georgetown University (Washington D.C.)
Boston University
UC San Francisco
UCLA
Tulane University (New Orleans)

Continue to be reviewed
Penn State
George Washington University (Washington D.C.)

I'm still waiting to be invited by UC Irvine for an interview, but a very important birdie is definitely making it happen. The only rejection that really bummed me out is UCSF, it's a very prestigious school that I hoped to attend. Hawaii was disappointing but expected. What's funny is that UCLA was my dream medical school for most of college, but I'd actually rather avoid living in the craziness of LA.

University of Central Florida called me for an interview. The medical school only has first-year students right now, and I would be in the second class if I go there. But I've decided to think back in the mindset of "I'll go anywhere if it means not taking another year off."

I've been thinking about it for a couple years now. I was about to do it last year, but my dad wouldn't draw it for me. So I decided against it, it wasn't a justifiable need. It was just a want that I couldn't really explain. I couldn't answer the question: "Why do I want a tattoo?" And this week, after seeing a billboard for a tattoo festival in OC, I asked, "Why not?"




So it's my last name in Chinese. It's similar to the Chinese character for "horse" so I was able to use google images to get the calligraphy effect I wanted, and then just had the tattoo artist add the two extra strokes on the left side. It cost $60 and it didn't hurt that bad. I was hugging David the whole time (all 10-15 minutes) and that helped with the pain. My head was turned to the left mostly away from the tattoo gun, but when I turned my head to the right and was able to see the gun, the pain was much worse. I did cry, I admit, but it wasn't solely from the pain. The pain opened the tear ducts, but the tears flowed from my love for David. It felt so nice holding him, and digging my nail into him when the pain was at its worst.

My sister's first tattoo was this as well, so I got the idea from her. It's the best tattoo I could get with the question "Why do I want a tattoo?" It would be harder for me to defend a lotus flower or whatnot. But my family's name will always be my family's name. And I think my other cousins are going to get this tattoo also...and that'll just be rad. Like the Phung/Fung clan. I eventually want to get my whole Chinese name continuing below my current one. It'll be hot.

I've never been as relaxed at any point in my life as I am now. I'm only working 27 hours a week (money's tight, but I'll be fine). I don't have midterms or finals. I already took my MCAT. My primary application for medical schools is submitted. My secondary applications have been submitted. All my letters of recommendation are completed.

I have a lot of time on my hands. I haven't had free time since I started college. Not like I do now. I find myself on the internet a lot or watching a lot of TV. And it's nice.

But now the question arises...could I be doing more? Am I happy with inactivity?

The answer is no. I'm not happy living a life just for me...only concerned about money and medical school and my boyfriend.

I decided to volunteer as a mentor to a child with a parent in prison. I've been interested in this program since my first year at UCI, but never got around to it. Now I have the time and no excuse. What's special about this activity compared to all my activities in college is that it's not going on my medical school application, because that's already been sent in. This is one of my first truly selfless acts. Well, is anything truly selfless? I'll leave that up to Cordell to analyze. http://makingsenseofall.blogspot.com/