You know when you do something new and exciting and the experience seems almost surreal? I haven't been to the beach in years...so when I saw the waves, stepped in the squishy sand, and felt myself being pulled back by the waves...it didn't seem like I was really there. It felt like I was watching myself do all this...like I was watching t.v. An out-of-body experience you may call it. It was like when I was at the Britney Spears's concert...it was as if I was watching her on t.v. Not sitting there actually watching her. I'm so used to NOT doing anything exciting that when I DO do (doo doo, haha) something exciting, it feels...ethereal. Haha, big vocabulary. I hope I used it correctly. You feel me?

I got my license. My parents won't let me take the car. Asses. I got really pissed cuz they're stalling on buying me a car. Sounds spoiled? You'd be pissed too if your older sister got a car. =P If anyone knows anyone selling a car...call me. Thanks. I want to play counter strike again. Damn dial-up. Pool anyone? ann...=P

I was playing Puzzle Fighter the other day. Remember that game? They use baby versions of Street Fighter Characters...and it's a Tetrisish sorta thing. Man...I miss childhood. I don't want to live forever...but I don't want to die. You feel me?

I was driving over those sewer metal circular things on the street. My dad goes..."What's that noise?" My mom goes "those Ninja Turtle things". Chinese parents...can't live with them, can't live without them. I'm getting my license tomorrow...hopefully. I really hope I pass. I've been looking forward to this day for...15 years and 9 months and one day. Everyone wish me luck. Thanks! Oh...I'm still single. Thanks again!!

I'M SINGLE!!! Tell the world!! *sigh* I miss being single. Well this is only temporary. Me and Emerson drive each other CRAZY!! So we both need a little breather. Last night when we made things official, he said "I'll always love you, you'll make a lovely wife." You can't tell me commitment scares all guys away. What really makes me smile is that he used the word "lovely". How many guys use that word? Well, if anyone knows a guy...hint, hint.

Day by day, Andre's on my mind less and less. What does that mean? Does it mean I care less? No. Does it mean I'm forgetting? *sigh*, maybe. Does it mean I'm FINALLY beginning to grasp the fact he's gone? Yes. I used to think about him every hour. Now...twice or thrice a day. Writing this entry will be my closure. When I go to Orleans, I still expect him to be there. After it happened, but before I found out...I remember I was watching Finding Nemo that day. I looked around the arcade...just to say "hi" and maybe get a game of DDR. I didn't ask about you. I should have asked about you. I'm sorry Andre. Give me a sign that though we weren't close...I still meant something to you.

I've done the right thing but for the wrong reason. By doing the right thing, I righted the wrong thing. Does that make it right? Techinically. Can't I do the right thing without it being for the wrong reason? I'm selfish. So selfish.

Have you ever done the wrong thing even though you knew it was wrong? I know what's right and what's wrong. It's not that I WANT to do the wrong thing...it's just so hard to do the right thing. My conscience tells me "no". I am defying my conscience to do this wrong thing. I am defying my conscience. It hurts to admit it. And you know what the really sad part is? I don't even feel as remorseful as I should. This is the person I've diminished to. *sigh* For what?

First day of work wasn't too bad. My feet hurt though...=T. Like, have you ever been to an amusement park and just walk the whole day and your ankles would hurt so bad by the time you get to the car? Yeah that's how I feel. I like my job though...so far. I'm a party hostess. Remember when your parents would throw you parties at Chuck E. Cheese or something? Yeah that's me. Just one party, and I got $20 tip. That's pretty good. I hope all parents are nice like that, makes my job a lot easer.

I start work today. First job, wow! Damn, I'm growing up. I'm so nervous, I don't want to mess up too bad. But I know I'm going to mess up. Wish me luck everyone. Or at least everyone who reads this. =P. Thanks!!