Today was my first residency interview at UCSF. I was eager to start the interview trail, and today confirmed it. Getting to know programs is fun! The traveling might suck after I go to So Cal for the third time, but I get to visit family and friends when I do so that's not too bad at all.

So today was a very exciting day. I was a bit nervous, but not palpably so. It felt quite liberating to not doubt myself too much. I was asked how I changed throughout medical school, and I responded that I've gained a significant amount of confidence. And today exemplified that. In the bathroom before my first interview (there were 2), I said to myself "you got this, Jenny, you like the person you are, just be yourself." Hahahaha! True words. Hysterical, but true.

I was originally going to separate this blog entry (and every entry I do for each interview) into pros and cons. But I think I'm just going to write from my gut. Just like Dr. Fong would promote (my professor in the Family Medicine department).

My gut says...

San Francisco General Hospital serves the poorest of the poor. They are a true safety net hospital and they serve despite a patient's ability to pay and they mean it. The people there feel the need to serve in their veins. One frightening thing I must admit to myself is that I don't know if I have that same passion that today's residents and faculty exhibited. What's even more frightening thing is that the undergrad me did. Even the first year medical student me did. What happened? The old me said $100K/year is enough to live comfortably on, so go on and serve the poor for that much income, serve the people who need you most, be the giver since you'll have more than enough to give. Then somewhere along the way...I became more greedy, more materialistic. I want Kaiser's $100K sign-on bonus, their $200K starting salary, their pension. At what cost?

Well that's a question I don't want to spend time answering in this entry that is supposed to be about UCSF. But it does take me back to the discomfort I feel about fitting into with those amazing people at UCSF. Discomfort is good, especially for me. Someone who struggles with self-doubt several times a day. Thankfully, my self-doubt continues to improve as I gain life experience, and I know that would be the case at UCSF. I know I would grow there. I do not imagine myself even slightly miserable there because I know that serving that patient population would fill me up everyday, I'd make sure of it. 

UCSF is unique in many ways. Its patient population and the system they work in are two of the ways. They also have a clinical psychologist on faculty who sounds amazing and I would love to learn therapy from. Being able to treat my patients through conversation is something I'll always strive for. 

As a married woman who wants kids soon, as someone who hates difficult parking, and dislikes driving with so many cars and pedestrians...San Francisco might not be the place for me, but the surrounding areas might be?