David’s cousin’s grandmother passed away last week. Her name was Betty also. I met her a handful of times since I started dating David nearly 5 years ago. I even brought egg rolls to her birthday potluck (which were a hit). She always remembered David even though she was very old and nearly blind.

I didn’t know her well, but well enough to know that she was very sweet and kind. I knew she was very Christian. I knew she opened her home to many people to the point of adopting some of them. I knew she was cared for by one of her daughters, who the rest of the family did not think was doing an adequate job.

Her memorial service confirmed all of this. The recurring theme was that she lived for Jesus and lived by His word. I like Jesus’ message of love and generosity and humility. And I do believe Grandma Betty personified Jesus’ message. But that is the extent to which I agree with Christianity. Another recurring theme at the memorial service was to take Jesus’ message a step further, into worship. I guess that the Bible is His message, but the talk about worship and not idolizing false gods does not make sense to me. There were times that the service stopped being about Grandma Betty and started being about the Bible. In my heart, I know that a book does not determine a person's worth. Grandma Betty's belief in Christ allowed her to feel supported while being a good person. But she was a good person independent of Christianity. 

My favorite part of the service was when her son Noonie read a note that Grandma Betty wrote years ago. She described what hardship she had raising 5 young children as a single mother. How she had to walk 8 miles with the children in a wagon to get to work on the farms. Then walk 8 miles back for a nominal amount of money. Food and money were scarce. While the story sounded like acknowledgement of what she's had to overcome, she sadly ended with thoughts of worthlessness. The thoughts were to the effect of, "so what?"

It was written on a single piece of paper, it wasn't even a journal. She must have been in a dark place when she wrote it, even depressed. We will never know why she wrote it down and how she got out of the dark place. But it was very special. I feel privileged to have listened to her words. 

I also loved when several family members played recordings of her singing. They were recorded in her last days. It was very sweet. 

This side of the family is very troubled and complicated. But the one value they all have right is their value of Grandma Betty. She kept this family good even when they made dark choices. As messed up as their lives have gotten, they were always able to look at Grandma Betty to be the good. I don't wonder about how they will get on without her, I honestly imagine that they will get on in a way that I don't want to know about.